Negotiating between fear and love

Fear in life is like a specter that hangs about and takes advantage of any dips in my self-confidence. Recently, I have found myself increasingly focusing my attention on my inner world and the nature of my inner landscape. I figure that when it appears that I have little control over my outer reality, I probably have the inverse amount of control over my inner reality. As within, so without.


I had an ah-ha moment a few weeks ago when I shifted how I see myself. Up until then, I had always seen myself as a ‘good’ person who largely obeyed the rules and tried not to hurt anyone if I could possibly avoid it. I stop at stop signs, even in the dead of night when there is obviously no one on the road. I say please and thank you and have been known to apologize to a parking meter when I accidentally walked into it. “Little Miss Goodie Two-shoes”, is what I have been called on occasion.

But… I usually see people and their motives, foibles, and fears, pretty straight. I have opted out of many mainstream systems. I eat as much organic, local food as I can. I stay away from chemicals and pesticides. I believe that we are being manipulated by a debt-based monetary system the world over. I think our education system is behind the times, and not because there aren’t people within the system who wouldn’t like to see it change. I could go on but I won’t. You are beginning to get my drift which is that I am much more outside the system than I am in it.

So what makes me think that I’m such a ‘nice’ person? I wondered this. Am I really as law-abiding as I have always thought? Hmm. I don’t think so. I think I’m actually quite radical. I just keep a fairly low profile and go my own way, waiting for the rest of the world to feel a little safer. Maybe this approach keeps me safe… but maybe not.

The time is now

My conclusion: that it’s time for me to step up to the plate and own all of who I really am. Since I believe that people can feel it when there is any dissonance between who I really am and who I appear to be, even if they can’t name it as such, I would be better off to make the ‘implicit’ qualities I have more ‘explicit’. Isn’t that what I do for my clients? You bet it is!

Over the last 20+ years, I have done countless readings for people and validated their self-worth, their power, other incarnations that may bleed through, as well as occasionally their experiences around ET contacts. For some, they have had dreams that have stayed vivid for a lifetime, dreams that I didn’t know about until I did the reading and described their experience as an experience and not a dream. For most, their emotional reactions were immediate and profound. They felt they had been seen and validated. Their dreams/experiences were, for the most part, not terrifying, but they had not been seen as part of the warp and weft of the people’s lives. These clients needed their experiences to be validated so that they could be integrated.

A few examples…

I have talked to young children about their ‘flying’ dreams, which I believe are the child’s interpretation of going out-of-body during sleep. Children, in my experience, still remember because no one has told them yet that ‘it isn’t possible and is just a dream’. I’ve talked to many adults about this as well but most of them had also done it as children.

I had a client who, when I tuned in to her energy, appeared to have two heads. I don’t censor what I get so I told her what I saw. She immediately burst into tears and told me that she had always felt as though she had two heads and had stopped talking about it when she got many negative reactions as a child. I also saw her in a place that had two orbs hanging in the sky instead of one sun as we have here. That also was familiar to her and she left the session beaming from ear to ear and greatly relieved.

I had a persistent and loud message at a workshop many years ago that I was to tell the facilitator, who was of international renown, that, “the time is now”. I had no idea what this message meant and I didn’t know the facilitator well. I hesitated for three days before the messages were so persistent and uncomfortable that I gave in and told him what I had heard. I was worried about my credibility and didn’t want to appear to be flake. I need not have worried because he told me that he knew exactly what it meant and invited me to contact him again if I got any further messages.

I had another client who recounted that a mentor of his had done some energy work with him that was explained to him as a ‘brain dump’. The client was unsure what it meant at the time and was not aware of any of the content of this so-called dump. He had been told that the information would be required many years later. I was able to confirm this in the reading. As far as I know, the time has not come yet but maybe it’s around the corner!

Another woman recounted a ‘dream’ she’d had as a child, about having met up with some people, who didn’t look like people as we know them. She followed them into a round, softly lit craft where she felt that she was being given a briefing of sorts, although she couldn’t remember the details afterwards. The experience was a positive one although it has remained a mystery to her. I was the first person she had told and she didn’t know what to make of it. I felt it was quite similar to the client with the ‘brain dump’.

I’m seeing patterns

Innumerable times I have worked with clients who have had unusual experiences, between the ages of about four and seven or eight, where they were taken somewhere unfamiliar and taught something, shown something, or been examined and measured. In many cases this appears to have been a preparatory, first contact because often they have had similar experiences as adults which harken back to the earlier incidents.

I believe that these clients find me because I am one of the few professionals who will believe them, validate their experience and help them to integrate it into their everyday lives. I am very careful not to be suggestive in these experiences, unless they come up in a reading, and then I say what I see and hear and note the reaction.

I really don’t know what each experience means until I work with the client. Sometimes they need to remember and use the information they were given as children. Sometimes they need to resolve an issue from another life so that they can let it go and move on to do something else. Many need to remember what they have planned to do in their present life, and with whom. Some need to be reminded about timing. (this comes up quite often)

Over time, I have begun to build a body of knowledge and notice similarities. I have listed just a very few here, as to list all of them would require too much space. There have been so many of them now, that I assume these are not isolated incidents. I used to think they were. If the Internet is to be believed, there are way more of these accounts than I had ever thought. In that sense, the Internet has been very helpful in making all of us aware of the fact that we are not alone in our experiences and not alone in the Universe.

Moving away from fear

I’ve been trying to increase my self-awareness and self-esteem for most of my adult life. You could liken it to peeling an onion. I’ve had to have an unshakable belief in a bigger picture; one that we can’t always experience with our five, three-dimensional senses, and that includes a Universe where we are not alone as sentient beings. I don’t think we ever have been. I have frequent and interesting conversations with a friend of mine who is, among other things, a scientist. I believe that it won’t be very long before scientists will be able to explain what I deal with in my practice. I’m so looking forward to it.

I choose…

to move out of fear and into a world where we learn and share and create and love, as a way of life. I’m committed to it. It’s the part of me that refuses to conform and that supports any of you who have odd experiences that can’t be explained but our current way of interpreting the world. Vive la difference!

This entry was posted in authenticity, belief systems, choice, dreams, emotional safety, empowerment, energy, ETs, fear, life decisions, love, out-of-body, paranormal, power, psychic readings, self esteem, spiritual emergency. Bookmark the permalink.

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